EVERY husband can be the father of the year!

EVERY husband can be the father of the year!

So you are thinking about getting pregnant, hell you might be OVER thinking about getting pregnant. Are we financially stable, do we have the space, am I ready for this, is my husband ready for this? Will I be a good mom, can I handle the extra stress?…will my husband be a good father? Listen, My husband is an AMAZING husband. He treats me like gold, works hard and is always my rock, but how does that translate to being a father? It was a legitimate question of mine. Will he be a hands on and helpful father because lawd knows I cannot do all of the caregiving on my own while running this company.

It’s a Legitimate question of moms to be, I feel you because I have been there. It’s not one we like to openly talk about but Hey, here I am! You know I’ll ALWAYS keep it real. So how do you know whether or not your husband will SHINE as a father??… Let me ease your mind and tell you that EVERY woman is married to the next “the father of the year”.

Is your mind blown? Hahah Well let me elaborate. Women have a very special natural instinct to mothering. We just figure it out. We figure out pregnancy, birth and receiving a baby into your arms instantly with absolutely NO instruction manual. Thank you God for this part of our brains 😉 So what about your husband/significant other? Well he doesn’t have those natural instincts but he does have a secret weapon… YOU! LADIES HE NEEDS YOU! And I know some might be rolling your eyes like “he needs me??? Listen I’m the one pregnant” lol I GET IT but… hear me out. He needs your guidance as to what is expected of him as a first time father. If you take the lead he will follow and start navigating fatherhood all on his own (well before baby even arrives)

Carmelo (my husband) was ecstatic when we found out we were expecting! He was literally over the moon happy which is an excellent stat but honestly that will be the extent of what you can expect from a father if you don’t guide them! Here is where YOU help him become the #1 dad!

Around 24 weeks baby begins to hear. This is the perfect time for daddy and baby to start the bonding process!! Head out to the book store and purchase some adorable books for your little one. This is not only a mini date, it’s time for dad to get engaged and help you pick out books. Carmelo started reading to Melania from 24 weeks on because I wanted her to know HIS voice as well as mine. (PS. It worked, when she was born she knew EXACTLY who he was) Every SINGLE night from 24 weeks on Carmelo would snuggle up to my belly and say “Hi Melania, it’s your daddy! I have your book tonight. It’s called ___________”. He then would read her the book, give my belly a kiss and tell her that “we will talk in the morning”. In the morning he also would snuggle up to my belly and say “Good morning my beautiful baby, it’s your daddy. I hope you have a great day in Mommy’s belly!” ugh! SO SWEET. But no he did not start this himself… I asked him to say “Good morning to her” and the bond then got stronger. 🙂

You really cannot take for granted the time in the womb. This is where the bonding of baby and momma begins but also where baby and daddy learn about each other. I FIRMLY believe that this interaction with Daddy and baby every night and morning helped them both create a bond that was instant when she was born. Without it I feel like she would have been born saying “Who da heck is that guy?”

So in the womb you have good mornings and good nights with daddy but how do you translate this intermittent bonding to when baby is born??? LADIES you have to let daddy be a daddy. I see so many cases of OVERBEARING mommies. Listen you are BOTH new to this and yes you may instinctually know what you feel is but but that doesn’t mean that dads opinion isn’t valid. Let him decide if baby is hungry, let him decide if baby needs a diaper change. A lot of times I will say “Do you think she needs…” and I let my husband fill in the blank. Trial and error. Yes he may be way off at first but he will figure it out and be PROUD when he does. This is a huge learning curve for him. Cut him so slack. I will let you in on a little secret… half the time he overrides me and says “I got her” and ushers her away for a bottle or diaper change. MY GOD HOW REFRESHING.

You have no idea the bond you will create by allowing Dad to make the decisions (even half of the time.) It really gets him involved and engaged. I was reading a study recently that said after birth the more father cares for their child the more the part of their brain grows that makes him “yearn to care for them.” Meaning when they cry he CARES instead of rolling his eyes. SO the more you allow him and encourage him to take the drivers seat the more he will be able to WILLINGLY help you with the baby. Willingly is the key word here. Yes you can demand that dad takes over but wouldn’t it be nice of him to OFFER and be empowered that he is helping his child?? Totally different vibe than “okay, I’ll do it”

Long story short, If you want a hands on father you have to HELP him become that man. We know that doesn’t necessarily come naturally because of their genetic makeup…and THAT’S OKAY! Cut Dad some slack, help him out and know that YOU are the difference between a dad who could care less and a “Father of the year”. Special thanks to my husband who inspired this blog. His efforts towards raising our daughter amaze me every day! Thank you Carmelo!!

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