Going through a difficult breakup can be one of the most challenging experiences in life. As someone who has been through it, I understand how overwhelming it can feel. After my own bad breakup, I realized that I needed to take some time off from dating to heal and focus on myself. This led me to learn to be comfortable with being alone, which I talked about in my previous blogs. Now that I had my life back together and was in a “happy place,” I started to wonder what dating might look like. At first, I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to date again. However, after some serious thought, I decided to just let things happen and not actively look for someone.
To my surprise, it happened much sooner than I thought. As part of my personal mental recovery, I started taking my fitness more seriously and fate would have it that I met my future husband at the gym! I saw Carmelo at my gym one Saturday morning, and I knew I recognized him from somewhere. He re-introduced himself, and I remembered that we had crossed paths before through amutual friend. That first day was just a quick hi and goodbye, but we were on the same schedule on the weekends, and we would often cross paths. Short hellos and goodbyes eventually led to longer chats, and after about a month, we would work out and then spend an hour or more sitting and talking. Everything seemed to be so effortless with him, and we had great conversations. At the time, I still thought this would be just a fling, and I wasn’t really looking for anything serious, but I let him take me out on a date. We went out for dinner, and I found myself laughing and enjoying myself in a way that I hadn’t in a long time.
As we continued to see each other, I realized that I had found something special. It wasn’t what I was expecting, but it was exactly what I needed. Let me break down that statement for you: I feel that many women have a long list of all the “things” a man must be in order for them to date him. I myself had one. I definitely wanted a man who had never been married and didn’t have kids. Those were literally my two top non-negotiables. I can admit that I was flexible on my list of physical features or career choice, but those two were an immediate “no thanks” for me. Well, Carmelo had been married and had kids. Damn. Now what do I do? Things were starting to get more serious, and I was VERY fond of him. If you know me, you know that I didn’t run for the hills. I decided to throw the “list” away and really give this a shot. I can’t imagine where I would be today if I had not made that decision.
Carmelo and I have been together for nine years now, dating for four and married for five. When we first met, he was the polar opposite of me. Shy and soft-spoken, whereas those who know me know that I am outspoken and struggle to use a filter. He was exactly what I needed at the time to help ground me. Flash forward to today, and we have slowly merged our personalities together. He has brought me back down to earth (a little), and I have helped him become more outgoing. When they say opposites attract, I would be the first to agree. I never thought about having a family before meeting my husband, but as the years went on, I finally decided that we were in a wonderful place in life, and it was the perfect time to start a family. There are so many beautiful stories along the way that I will save for another day, such as how 95 Nutrition was founded. Spoiler alert! My husband was the one who gave me the idea and final push to become and entrepreneur.
The main take
away from my personal experience is that if you are single and wondering when you will find the right person, my advice would be to stop actively looking for someone. This may sound counterintuitive, but trust me, it worked for me and it can work for you too. Instead of relying on dating apps or social media, try to get out into the world and engage in activities that you enjoy. This could be anything from taking a fitness class to joining a book club or volunteering for a cause that you’re passionate about. By doing things that make you happy, you will naturally attract people who share your interests and values, and who you might not have met otherwise.
It’s also important to resist the temptation of bringing a strict list of criteria into the dating world. While it’s great to have an idea of what you’re looking for in a partner, focusing too much on a laundry list of traits can blind you to people who might be a great match for you, but don’t meet all of your criteria. When I met my husband Carmelo, he didn’t fit into the two most important items on my list, but when I let go of my preconceived notions and got to know him for who he was, I realized that he was exactly what I needed in a partner. If I had stuck to my guns and walked away from him, I would not have the beautiful marriage and family that I have today.
My advice to anyone who is single and looking for love is to let go of your expectations and allow yourself to be open to the unexpected. By focusing on living your best life and being true to yourself, you’ll attract the right person who will complement and enhance your life in ways you never imagined.
